July 18, 2005

Florida Sucks.

Perhaps you've heard the old adage, "Even though it sucks, sometimes you have to go to Florida." Okay, maybe it's not an adage, maybe I made it up. Prove it.

Anyway, we did have to go to Florida. David and I went down to visit his family in Orlando and Naples, Florida a couple of weeks ago.. We were supposed to stop and see the shuttle launch also, but of course, it was delayed. I can honestly say that this is the first time I've ever been to Florida without going to Disney World. To be perfectly frank, I didn't know anybody went to Florida unless it was to go to Disney World. I mean, what's the point of visiting an icky, humid, bug-ridden dong-shaped state unless it's to go to "The Happiest Place on Earth"? Oh yeah, people live there too...

You may be wondering, "Why such adament dislike for a state she's never lived in?" One word: grandparents. Ever summer when I was a kid my cousin and I were schlepped off to Ochkeechobee Florida for two weeks with the grandparents. Now I love my Grandmother and father, they're cool. But dear lord, two-three weeks in Florida IN THE SUMMER IN AN OLD PEOPLE'S NEIGHBORHOOD? WHEN YOU'RE 6,7,8,9,10 and on up! ARRRGGGGHHHHH!

See, people have this idea that Florida is all sunny beaches and Disney. But it's not, there's a dark side to Florida, populated with old men wearing knee socks with shorts and lunch at 10:30 in the morning at the Golden Corral. And your grandmother introducing you to every human shaped object she's ever met reciting every accomplishment you've ever had all while standing in the above mentioned Golden Corral. Not to mention the cheek-pinching, kissing, prodding and exclamations of "Lord Evelina she looks just like Debbie and listen to the way she talks... Lord, sounds just like a little Yankee."

While Florida may be a haven for every child's dream vacation, it also hides a terrible nightmare. Hot, sweaty, swampy, buggy back woods towns where the most exciting thing that happens all week is when your PaPa lets you drive the riding lawnmower with him. And there's nothing to do but fish for crappy in the pond and hit kumquats with a baseball bat. And it's always a hundred degrees in your grandparents house

Now for all that I dislike Florida, I really like road trips. Something about being on the road with good music, snackies, cigarettes and the person you love best in the world really appeals to me. Granted, when I purchased a light pick up truck 14 hour car rides were not my first thought. My truck is not built for road-tripping. It's tiny (no king cabs here) and has a bench seat. It's also a stick shift (which sucks giant donkey nuts when you hit traffic). Oh and no automatic locks, windows or anything else. But for some reason, when I'm cruising down the road with my baby and the stereo's turned up loud I don't mind all of those inconveniences. Because for a few hours it's just us, just us singing along and sharing snackies, just us making jokes and taking pictures, it's just us being close and young and in love... And really, isn't that worth going to Florida?